My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
