Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
