i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
