Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
