I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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