awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
