Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
