he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
