he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
