Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
