real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
