I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
