I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
