i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
