She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
