Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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