I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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