According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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