I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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