You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
