New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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