The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
