Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
