Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
