I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
