Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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