if i died would you start the facebook group?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
