If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
