What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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