I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
