I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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