I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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