if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wear drunk well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
