If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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