nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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