JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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