Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
