we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
