The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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