how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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