she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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