I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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