idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
