Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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