Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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