Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
