Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We have started to decorate penises.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
