I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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