i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
