my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
