Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
